Why Ive stopped planning my life

Why Ive stopped planning my lifeWhy Ive stopped planning my lifeFun fact I wrote this story on December 31 - the last day of the year. This welches very fortuitous timing because I spent a lot of time that week reflecting on the highs and lows of 2018. When I think of the best moments of the past year (getting engaged, starting my own business, traveling to Sweden) I didnt see any of it coming.On January 1, I wrote my list of resolutions, but the best moments came completely unplanned. I have always been a planner and Ive thrived when Ive had a clear path to follow. Ive also thrived when taking chances, jumping on unexpected opportunities, and veering off my path. Ive made lasting relationships in places Ive least expected them, learned new skills, and changed my career without planning any of it. Why have I stopped planning my life? Lets dive in.Im not living on a timelineLike many young adults, I went through the post-college graduation blues. They hit me hard. One of the main rea sons was because I didnt feel like I was doing the work I wanted to be doing. I knew I had to pay my dues, but industry and role wise,I was worried I was on the wrong path. There was a lot of fretting and brooding that first year. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to take a deep breath and relax. Within 15 months I moved on to a job that was a way better fit for me and my worries lifted immediately.As could be expected, this new job came with new challenges and as much as I loved it, there were many aspects of my first job that I missed - clocking out by 430pm every day, the friends I made, and how those entry-level tasks came with entry-level responsibility. I learned that with a little hard work and determination, things will work out, so why not enjoy yourself along the way? When I erased the timeline of where I should be, I was able to enjoy where I currently am.Feel Less DisappointedBack when I worried about a timeline (I should have my dream job, husband, house, baby, by X age) I found I was so much more critical of myself. It didnt matter if I was happy not being married or loved the location of my one bedroom apartment, I felt like I wasnt keeping up. My own happiness was overshadowed by trying to check off my life to-do list. Now Im happy ifIm just on the path toward meeting my goals.Some may take longer to reach than others, butusually Im surprised by how quickly my life takes an unexpected (often positive) turn. Ive found I feel so much lighter when Im not sticking to a plan.I dont limit my optionsThere are some aspects of planning my life that are unavoidable - hello,retirement savings plan But for the most part, my plans used to limit me from pursuing really great opportunities. When I was 12 years old, I picked up a copy of Vogue and that was it - I knew I wanted to be a magazine editor. From that point forward every extracurricular, class, and as much of my free time as possible was allcentered aroundhelping me reach that goal.Fa st forward through countless hours studying designers and photographers, taking French classes, and racking up internships, and I was ready to graduate. Unfortunately, around the time I was graduating college, the magazine industry was falling to pieces. Suddenly I needed to find a new path, and I needed to do it fast.I had been so focused on my goals that I hadnt opened myself up to the possibility of another career path.Now that I have less tunnel vision I can see that I would have loved to study other subjects like public health or biological anthropology. Of course, I totenstill have passions and career goals, but I try to keep an open mind by reading, learning, and trying my hand at new subjects. When opportunities come along that arent exactly what I was looking for, I try to imagine how I could grow in them. Ive greatly enjoyed working in marketing, the financial industry, and writing about topics ranging from fashion (the OG goal) to food to health.I try new thingsIve always known what I like - I have particular tastes and interests and have always been happy sticking to them. Or so I thought.When I switched to a vegan dietand was forced to be more adventurous with my culinary choices, I was surprised at how many foods I suddenly liked. Basically overnight I became a veggie, lentil, and tofu lover. Who wouldve thought?This year when my fianc had an opportunity to go to Stockholm for work, I tagged along. Sweden wasnt on either of our travel bucket lists and we almost cut our visit short to stop byParis (our favorite city)for a few days. Im so glad we didnt, because as much as I will always love Paris, I adored Stockholm just as much. We had the best time on our trip and even though Paris sounded more familiar and easier, stepping out of our comfort zone created unforgettable memories and widened our travel horizons forever.Last year I moved across the country for three months,explored the streets of New York City aloneand learned how to paddle board, rock climb, and practice archery - none of which I planned or expected I might even skip writing resolutions this year in favor of waiting to see what 2019 has in store for me.This article was originally published on The Everygirl.

Make this the Year You Learn to Listen Better

Make this the Year You Learn to Listen BetterMake this the Year You Learn to Listen BetterMake this the Year You Learn to Listen Better Poulson, author of The Clarity Compass (Vision Creation Publishing, 2017)Ask any business leader and theyll tell you that listening skills are an essential skillof a good manager.I agree, but I think theyre missing an important element. We need to listen more to the deeper intentions of what is being said. We need to listen carefully to realize the wants and motivations that reside underneath what we and other people are saying. Heres how to improve yur workplace communications.Communication is PersonalThink back to all the meetings youve sat through over your career. Youll likely remember someone speaking up on a topic seemingly unrelated to the discussion at hand. It might even have been you. Why does this happen? The answer is often about much more than a person being off topic.Practice listening for your own intentions first. Then you can apply t hat to understanding the intentions of others. When you speak, theres a reason. Maybe you want to add new information or a different opinion. But when you listen yourself, you might hear deeper desires to be seen as part of the group, to subtly express a frustration, or simply to be heard.Speaking up is an action. What were often not listening to is the intention behind it. The relationship between intentions and action is part of being effective in our professional and personal lives. When these elements are in sync, we make progress. When theyre not, were often stymied. There are four main reason whyAdding complexity Often when we take action, we try to solve too many problems at once. By speaking up at the morning meeting, we may have been trying to address what we felt welches a need for a new policy, a problem with a specific individual and a particular conversation we needed to have with that person. In trying to resolve all of these problems at once, were likely to solve none .Work Tip Focus on the context of the meeting and try to determine the key goals related to the meeting agenda items. If a tangential issue arises for you that needs to be addressed, that might distract everyone from the most important thread. Consider saving your thoughts for later and following up via email or follow-up meetings.By being more selective about when we choose to talk, what we choose to say and how we choose to say it, we are practicing crucial skills that will helpimprove our communications.Misdirected problems The way we experience the world can cause us to look in the wrong place for the answers we seek. We all have blind spots, but we deliberately avoid them to circumvent the discomfort of challenging our worldview. Ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, when we steer around our blind spots, were only moving further away from a problem that isnt going anywhere. Wed be better off trying to understand them instead.Work Tip Carefully reconsider a difficult project or pro blem situation from someone elses point of view, ideally someone involved who may have a very different take than your own. This can be difficult, but try to stay as open as possible to their perspective. It will help you discern between the objective reality of what is really happening versus your subjective interpretation.You may discover that you have some particular blind spots that are preventing you from seeing the situation clearly.Competing intentions A single meinung in a meeting can carry competing intentions. Our commitments can get in the way of each other, even when they all seem important.I had a client who wanted to be CEO of his company, but at the same time didnt want the overwhelming stress and also wanted to safeguard his time with his family. He engaged in conscious behaviors moving himself toward CEO, but we discovered other behaviors where he was sabotaging himself. He was not listening to his intentions to minimize stress and maintain work life balance.Work Ti p Are you listening to your various intentions for engaging in the activities of your life? Make a list of several important things in your life outside of work (relationship stress, your kids, an extracurricular activity, etc.). Now think about the many reasons why each activity is important to you. What deeper intentions do they serve in your life? These intentions might include social acceptance, acknowledgement by friends and family, stability and security, etc.After listening to your deeper wants around one of the activities, determine if they are competing. If they are, give some attention to how you might resolve their conflict. Can you resolve the internal conflict by approaching an activity differently?Congruent intentions Of course, multiple intentions can move us toward the same goals. We want to do our jobs well and be paid, productive, respected, successful and liked.All of these intentions are congruent and aimed toward the same satisfying result to have the kind of wo rk experience we desire. But because the scope is so broad, we wont be as effective in fulfilling our intentions. With too many arrows drawn at once, some of them will miss the target.Work Tip Listen to the intentions that might drive you to overcommit. Look back at the list you made in the above exercise. Even if your goals are congruent, do you have too much on your plate? Is that causing you to be distracted and less available for people at work? If so, think about how to resolve the situation. How can your multiple intentions serve each other?Once you are more familiar with your own intentions, it becomes easier to understand the motivations of others. So practice observing your intentions. Next time you find yourself speaking, pay attention. When you listen carefully to whats going on inside, you hear the real reasons youre talking.When youre fully aware of your intentions, youll start recognizing the much deeper and profound needs that have little to do with the meeting but ev erything to do with the life you want to create for yourself. When we embrace our intentions, a new world of possibilities emerges.Author BioDr. Brit Poulsonis a Seattle-based psychologist and leadership development expert who works with Fortune 500 companies to address the biggest challenges managers face. His work is based on more than 35 years of extensive research, organizational leadership development consulting, and coaching engagements with executives from some of the worlds leading corporations.In his new book, The Clarity Compass (January 17, 2017), Poulson provides the tools to help professionals overcome roadblocks and settle disputes employing the tools of emotional intelligence and business strategy.Dr. Poulson holds a Ph.D. in psychodynamics, Jungian and group psychology. He can be reached at brit.poulsonclarity-compass.com or at clarity-compass.com, on Facebook at TheClarityCompassand Twitter Clarity_Compass.

get the words core competencies off your resume

get the words core competencies off your resume get the words core competencies off your resume If you have a section on your resume called core competencies, please call it something else. You do not need that horrible piece of jargon on your resume, and its presence there instantly makes hiring managers eyes glaze over.Call it a profile, call it a summary or highlights, I dont care but no one says core competencies in everyday conversation. Use plain language that makes you sound like a normal person, rather than like someone who got trapped in a really boring HR conference and never escaped.